How to do this tactfully?

[oriel]

1. Last year Aunt E sent Zoe a gift voucher for a shop which has no branches in our town. We have no car and no reason to go anywhere near the branches in any other nearby town. We finally passed it to someone else with instructions to buy something, for fear it would expire.

This year she's sent another voucher for the same shop. It's a generous amount, so we don't want to appear ungrateful. How do we ask for something else next year?

2. Everyone's coming over to our house on Boxing Day. Parents in law have an annoying habit of saving up all their Christmas presents and bringing them with them to open in front of us, even when they're from people we don't even know. I'd rather limit the presents to ones from people who are actually there. How do I ask them 'please don't bring random people's presents' without appearing rude?

[t&n's mummy]

I would just say, thank you very much for the voucher but it makes it tricky for you to choose something as there isn't a branch of shop nearby (she prob hasn't realised) maybe ask for x shop instead or for cash if it's easier. I don't think it is ungrateful to point this out.

Wrt random presents, my gran used to do this, it is really annoying... Tell them to open their presents at home and maybe say it is confusing for the children/ wouldn't they like to open some presents at home.

Good luck.

[Gizmo]

Does the shop have a website so you can order through that?

[StJuniper]

I don't think it's rude about the voucher. She'd probably be glad to start buying you a voucher to a store that's more useful to you. So I'd just straight up tell her what you told us while expressing your gratitude.

I'd actually just straight up day the other, too: would you guys mind opening your presents at home this year so we have more time for relaxing and enjoying each other's company this Christmas?

[oriel]

Thanks.

Now another one. I have a wishlist for Zoe on Amazon, which I've pointed people at for Christmas presents for her. One of the items on it was a book which I wanted to get her as a christening present – she got christened at Easter and I hadn't got round to buying it – bad mummy! – but I still wanted to get it for her at some point. It's not a book that's suitable for her now (Blueberry Girl by Neil Gaiman) but I thought it would be a nice keepsake gift for her to grow into. I did note against it that it was there to remind me to get it for her.

Now my brother-in-law has gone and sent her that one book for her Christmas present, and in paperback rather than the nice hardback I'd envisaged. I'm not sure he realises it's not something aimed at her age group.

So.

Do I smile and say thanks and move on? Do I also buy her the hardback copy?

[t&n's mummy]

Yup then gift it to someone else and buy the nice hardback

[sabrina fair]

Or you can return gifts to Amazon without the recipient knowing. Send it back then put the money towards the hardback book.

[oriel]

I can't do it without him knowing, since he's coming round on Boxing Day and we're opening our presents then. I'm supposed to wrap it for him. It's too late to order the hardback and have it arrive in time. And if I wrap it and let Zoe open it then chances are high that it won't be in a condition to send back by the end of the day!

[robyn]

I don't know, but I do know that book and it's lovely

[mamapup]

If it was on the list and you directed people to the list I guess it's just tough luck! Why can't you get her the hard back version for when she's older,so get it and put it away, whilst letting her eat/tear and enjoy this one now?

[Gizmo]

If it was on the list and you directed people to the list I guess it's just tough luck! Why can't you get her the hard back version for when she's older,so get it and put it away, whilst letting her eat/tear and enjoy this one now?

Yes this. He got something from her wishlist, not his fault at all, and very nice of him.

[busmother]

I have a separate wishlist of things I want to buy, which avoids that issue! I also put on it things I like that I might want to buy for other people at the right moment.