Homebirth and older sibling

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Homebirth and older sibling

Postby junglewonderland » 02 Nov 2014, 03:11

Koala will be 3 when the baby comes along. I was thinking about getting my mum to come over and look after him while the baby is born. I like the idea of him being there at the end, but will my noises freak him out? What do you do with the older kid during a homebirth?
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Brigitte » 02 Nov 2014, 05:41

It probably depends on the kid, their personality and their age. I wonder if my kids might want to be present for a future birth. When my second was born, I knew I would not be able to concentrate on my own job of birthing if I had my eldest around, and I was right. Next time might be different, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Toasty Crumpet » 02 Nov 2014, 06:11

We had friends lined up to help with Crumpwt and had checked that she could go into nursery if I went into labour on a Friday. I guess the plan was that she wasn't around for the birth although I was willing to wait and see. She was 2 1/2. In the end, LC was born on a Friday morning and the birth and stitches were over before crumpet woke up. I think she would have been more distressed by me having stitches than the birth and I would have struggled having her for the stitching part. A friend came over in the morning which allowed me time with Crumpet while DH packed everything away, mainly the unused birth pool! LC just slept. The homebirth and hopeful website had lots of helpful info. Good luck!
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Rahgamuffin » 02 Nov 2014, 07:19

With J we had plans depending on which time of day it happened - friends to have B during the day, someone to stay overnight etc.etc. In the end, J arrived before the friend did and B slept through the whole thing.

With L, we just had one friend who was happy to do all of it with both boys - it was her husbands birthday, so we had another friend come over for the couple of hours we went to hospital (Waters went, not contracting) but they sent me home (after deciding that I really did know I wasn't contracting) - L was born even quicker than J and both kids slept through, 2nd midwife didn't make it, so friend didn't stand a chance... she came over with cake a few hours later :)
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Alstarofwonder » 02 Nov 2014, 07:47

My sister came over in case we had to transfer. E was in bed for the whole thing and slept through it all. (Next door neighbours could hear it all apparently so I wasn't particularly quiet!)
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Mini B's Mummy » 02 Nov 2014, 08:38

I think it depends on you and your lo. DS was 2 when DD was born. I had a close friend (who happens to be a midwife) come round to be with him during the birth - I was happy for her to be at the birth if DS wanted to be there, or equally to take him out to the park if it was long and he got bored. In the event, DD was born at midnight, DS slept through the whole thing and my friend was able to be there for the birth. We'd talked a lot about the birth with DS beforehand - read "Hello Baby" many times (including me and him doing impressions of noises I might make while birthing!), and my midwife had made a big effort to get to know him and include him in my antenatal visits, so I felt he'd be ok.
18 months later I was at the same friend's birth to look after her 5yo daughter. Obviously, she was much older, so they'd done a lot of talking about birth and babies and watched a lot of home/water birth videos together to help prepare her. She knew her daddy would be helping mummy, so if she wanted a drink or anything, that's what I was there for. I basically followed her lead - we played board games in the kitchen, went to see how the birth was going, did some drawing, she went and asked her mum (in the pool) if the baby was coming soon, she got in the pool, then got out again. The midwife showed her in the mirror when the baby's head was coming, and answered her questions about the poo that was floating in the pool very matter-of-factly. After baby was born, she got back in the pool to see her sister and cuddle her mum. Afterwards my friend said she could hear us chatting in the kitchen about board games and it all just seemed really normal, which she found reassuring. Sorry for the essay, hope some of it is helpful!
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Tintin » 02 Nov 2014, 08:54

My mum was here in case I had to transfer, or in case Stompy wasn't coping, or needed seeing to whilst I needed DP. She was just turned 3 (3 weeks before). In the end, I was labouring through the night, so was reasonably close when Stompy got up. She was very sweet, rubbing my back and telling me I was doing very well etc, we had prepared her with lots of books and chats and she didn't seem at all distressed with me being in pain and making noises. When it came to the actual pushing, my mum was a bit freaked by the idea, and ushered Stompy through to the other room to have breakfast although I would actually have liked her to have been there for the birth (if she wanted to be) - and as they were only in the next room, I don't really think she was sheltered much from what was happening; she would have been able to hear it all but not see, maybe that's worse?!?
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby mamapup » 02 Nov 2014, 08:59

Mine was an accidental home birth so we had no plans in place for the puppy. Luckily things got interesting just as he would normally go to nursery so he watched tv while the midwife arrived then mrC took him to nursery and by the time he got home he had a new sister! Don't think I'd have wanted him in our tiny house but this nice big house we.have now.I'd have been on with.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby RedRum » 02 Nov 2014, 12:30

R will be older, very nearly 8, and tbh I think I will just follow her lead. I don't want her to feel excluded, but I equally don't want her to be frightened or overwhelmed. We are lucky (in this particular context ;) ) that we have both our mums within 5 mins walk, so if it gets too much for her or for me I'll call on one of them to take her out for a bit.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 02 Nov 2014, 15:11

Munchie was 2y2m when I had Pickle and she was bag packed and ready to go to a friend of ours. As it was, Pickle arrived in the early hours so Munchie slept through the whole thing! I felt she would have been too young to be with us at the birth and I didn't want to have to worry about her - I wanted DH and I to be concentrating on the birth!

I remember my yoga teacher saying that subsequent babies come at night, as it's more convenient!! Don't know how true that is but it was for us!!
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Mummyto1 » 02 Nov 2014, 16:05

I quite wanted the elder two to be around if they wanted but had an underlying anxiety about the middle one (2 years 3 months) being there as she was very clingy/needy around that time and only I would do - even though my sister would be there to be with her I worried she'd get very upset which would distress me. I also worried as we had a small flat so no escaping the noise.

In the end I went in to labour overnight but it didn't really progress until the next day when the children went out for the day with my mum and sister. I'm sure it was do with my body waiting until I was relaxed. If there is a next time I wouldn't worry as much as I would feel quite confident that things would happen only when the time was right. Maybe that is wishful thinking but it was true for my middle child's birth too - I was able to hold on while I put my eldest to bed before going to the birth centre, so different circumstances but a definite sense tat my body was waiting.

ETA long winded way of saying that I suspect that if you feel comfortable and relaxed with koala there it will be fine, but if not, I reckon your body will play ball and things will happen when he can easily be elsewhere.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby junglewonderland » 02 Nov 2014, 22:13

That is very reassuring. It seems that most subsequent babies really do come at night! Koala is a very light sleeper so I'm not convinced he will stay asleep. But it sounds like kids don't get that worried by birth, especially with lots of prep.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Brigitte » 03 Nov 2014, 08:38

My second came really fast during the dinner hour. Very inconvenient! Thankfully my inlays managed to take our eldest away within 20 minutes of us calling. My body really let loose as soon as she was out the door, and we immediately had to rush to the hospital panting the whole way so as not to have the baby in the car.

Next time, we will most certainly prepare ourselves for a possible unassisted home birth just in case, although hospital birthing is our preference if things go according to plan. (Ha!)
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby pimento » 03 Nov 2014, 09:50

Big E slept through the whole thing! Things really kicked off at 7pm, and DH put her to bed. Little E arrived at 12:50am. I was pretty loud but not a peep from Big E. We had girls from nursery on call for back-up to take Big E somewhere if required.
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Re: Homebirth and older sibling

Postby Lioncub's mama » 03 Nov 2014, 10:23

We had various possible options, depending on who was around (as it was christmas time), and when I went into labour (I was sort of assuming that it would happen at night and Lioncub could sleep through most of it). In the end I went into labour early in the morning. I was totally expecting for things to go quite slowly, after my long first labour, and for DP to be able to take lioncub to nursery as normal, but by about 7am things were really getting going (and I was getting noisy!) so DP took lioncub to watch tele at the neighbours until my sister arrived about an hour later. I think it would have probably been ok to have had him downstairs with some tele and DP going backwards and forwards between the two of us but I definitely felt more relaxed knowing that he was being looked after elsewhere. Also it meant that I felt totally uninhibited about making plenty of noise etc.

My sister took him to nursery and then DP picked him up early to come and meet his baby brother. It was so lovely being at home and him being able to get into bed for a snuggle.
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