when do you tell your older children?

[busmother]

My cousins are in Brazil are expecting a baby a month before us. They have already announced the name and told everyone, which I do find a bit odd, but it seems to be the norm there. Anyway, they've also told their twins (a couple of months older than our two) who are very excited. I wasn't thinking about telling ours yet - it will seem like such a long time for them to wait, and awful to explain if anything goes wrong, but in many ways it would make life easier if they knew, as they're old enough to pick up on things like bags of baby clothes and packets of pregnancy vitamin pills. At what point did you tell your other children?

[emzit]

We told muncher when I was about 8 weeks, according to my notes, but that seems really early to me now! We told him and he wasn't interested and then just gradually had it I'm conversation to get him used to it I think.

[Rahgamuffin]

I told B about J just before the scan (12 weeks) - we told B&J about L at about 7 weeks because B asked why I was getting fat and I didn't want to lie. It was also quite nice that they knew pretty much first (we'd told a couple of very close friends, but not family).

We've had friends that have had very late miscarriages/still birth so both were aware of the possibilities (as much as they can be at their ages).

[UnhappyRightFoot]

Oh - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We told munchie early on too - around 8 weeks I would think. She was going to have to come along to MW appointments and scans anyway. We had baths together every day so we'd talk about how big the baby was, rather than how long it would take to grow and come out - especially as I was showing by 9 weeks so she could see my tummy growing!! She was very excited!!

[RedRum]

I told R at the weekend, partly as I've been so pathetic with nausea and exhaustion and was struggling to explain why I didn't want to do anything other than blob on the sofa, and partly because it seemed unfair that a few other people knew and she didn't (dh has a big mouth), and I would have hated for her to accidentally find out from someone else. I have said to her that it's quite early so we don't know yet if everything is ok with the baby, and that sometimes it doesn't work out.

She's pretty savvy, and would have figured it out by herself before too long I think, and we had been prepping her for a while anyway so it wasn't a completely out of the blue announcement. She's very excited, although a little put out that it is due around her birthday. Definitely doesn't want to share!

[nearlymumtobabyfk]

I told A at about 8 weeks because I was, and still am, so rough. Like RR I wanted to give her an explanation and didn't want to lie. She pretty much ignored the news for a few weeks while she processed it and is now really excited

[StJuniper]

P came with us to the first scan so we must've told him before then...

[junglewonderland]

We told Koala at about 8 weeks too, because I wanted to tell other people, like my family, and he would be there at the time. So I wanted to tell him myself, not just have him overhear it. In an ideal world I would have waited a few months, but it's hard when we spend so much time together!
Oh, and yes, that is a very Brazillian thing to do! I'd never seen a bump have a real name (very early on too!) until I met Brazillians.

[Kanga]

We waited till the first scan both times, mostly because we knew dd wouldn't be able to keep it to herself. Especially this time round as she understood more what was happening. Plus I wanted to make sure myself that everything looked ok before we told her. Both times our parents knew before the scan, but after that the children were the first to be told.

[Lily]

We haven't told anyone yet - I know DH will want to tell his parents straight away after the scan, which is this week, and then we'll have to tell my folks too, so I'm kind of preparing myself for a mass telling-everybody session. Which I guess means we'll have to tell Izbiz too, in case someone else does. But tbh I'd rather wait as long as possible - 6 months is such a long time when you're that little, I just don't think it will mean much to him until he can see I'm bigger and get a grasp on when the baby will be here. Of course it's different when your kids are older.

And how weird to name and announce so early - glad I don't live in Brazil!

[Where'stheMistletoe]

We waited until after the 20 week scan as i wanted to make sure (as much as I could) that everything was ok. It did still seem like ages between then and birth. He was younger than your two though and he just didn't seem to have an awareness of me getting bigger!

[Mummyto1]

We didn't tell either time until after the 20 week scan. I had two m/c which definitely influenced my decision the first time - I think it was more about my ability to deal with the pregnancy than a two year old being able to deal with a potential loss, I didn't really talk to anyone about it until that time. Second time around it was very difficult because we were dealing with FIL's illness and subsequent death and funeral, so it felt too much to load on the older children at once.

They took it in their stride and even leaving it that late the wait for them felt pretty long! We were very careful that close friends and family who knew before them knew we hadn't told them yet.

[busmother]

Maybe we should just tell them then. It feels very early, but I think I'm all out of synch because I've only known for about a month now, but I've already missed a couple of months just not realising (and hopefully the summer of camembert and wine has not done too much damage). I have another scan on Thursday just to check the abdominal wall has closed up properly, so if that all goes well, perhaps I will think about telling them. They're so interested in the process anyway, without knowing that I'm going through it. Long conversation yesterday about home births.

[Brigitte]

We told our eldest rather late. She was only 18 months old, and I had some very awkward employment/social circle stuff going on at the time. We told our parents and siblings immediately, and then told our daughter right before going public at 16 weeks gestation. And then I managed to keep it secret at my new job until 22 weeks. That was very awkward.

I think that next time around my eldest will be much more in tune with the situation, so we'll probably have to tell the kids on the earlier side.

[NorthernKitten]

I started introducing the idea to munchkin at around 16 weeks, when it was getting harder to lift her. But she was 20 months, so a drip feed seemed the most sensible approach. We also wanted her to know before furniture etc - although it did have the unintended consequence of her thinking the recent delivery men were bringing 'baby sister' rather than 'baby (brother or sister's) furniture'!!

Family all knew long before she did, but at this age, I don't think that's an issue.