by UnhappyRightFoot » 07 Sep 2016, 13:48
Back with a slightly more helpful response! (potentially)!
I would also agree that there are potentially underlying tensions with the move or MrC's health. However well they may appear to be handling things and may be excited, there are still huge changes afoot and that will be a concern.
That said, defiance, stubbornness, whatever you want to call it, is a character trait and should be worked with/addressed.
There are a few things we have issues with - Munchie is generally ok, but an air head so will forget things fairly frequently (except for having an event memory of an elephant).
Pickle is hugely stubborn and I don't have a magic answer with her. If she's not in the mood to do something, she won't do it! She also sulks and can go into one for hours - literally! I'd googled dealing with tantrums/meltdowns etc and it kept saying to ignore the behaviour and carry on. So I did - and didn't really see her for 5 days! She'll just take herself off to bed and have an unhelpful nap instead. So had to change tack on it!
However, we do find that the marble jar is a huge incentive for good behaviour. We started off (and still do sometimes) with rewards for the most mundane things just to get their behaviour back on track. But mostly it's for:
Mealtimes
- Sitting nicely
- Eating well (doesn't have to be all food but have a good go at dinner)
- Trying new food
- Using cutlery
- Nice manners
if they have 3 reminders for any of these, no marble.
Being helpful around the house
Good, unprompted manners
Random act of kindness
Anything else that comes up at a particular time.
We have tried to use them for tidying but it's rather hit and miss. So 10 minutes to tidy, 10 marbles available. 1 marble lost for every minute it takes so the faster they are, the more they get to keep.
TBH, I have found no solution to tidying up. We've taken toys away, cancelled trips out (had to becuase they've taken so long over the job we've missed what we were going to do), tried to make them responsible for their stuff etc etc. It is the biggest flashpoint in our house. I don't agree that it's us who want it tidy therefore we should tidy. They have to be responsible for their toys and when I can't even see the floor, let alone get in the room to put their clothes away, then it's not acceptable. I'll help and after every holiday I blitz the room so everything is back where it belongs, but on a day to day basis, they need to put their stuff away. It frustrates me that it is still a problem as we've always been this way, but then, it frustrates me when they don't say please when they ask for something as they sure as sh*t have never once been give the requested item without saying it!
Interesting the point Brigitte made about natural consequences. We are starting to resist telling them over and over about leaving their stuff outside in the garden "as it will get damaged, eaten, soaked etc etc" and now we just leave it. So, 2 very soggy and filthy toys later......!!! We only bring in now if it's something we'd have to replace, such as a coat or shoes. If it's their toys, it's tough. I think it does make a difference as they see the result.
I'm also very interested in the sitting in silence, sitting on hands thing. That will be put to good use!!
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.
The one who struggles, hasn't quit.