What do you do when........

Whatever you like, really, knock yourself out... I'm not the boss of you.

What do you do when........

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 31 Jul 2016, 11:51

Your delightful children have used stones to scribble ALL OVER 4 panels of DH car and part of mine?? Yes folks, the cars probably need a re-spray!!!

DH has gone out as he's apoplecticly angry. Munchie blamed Pickle for it (a lie) and neither of the girls haven't apologised.

They are in their room reading, contemplating their actions. DH is out - I have no idea when he'll be back. And I'm stuck here trying to think kindly that they didn't understand their actions/they couldn't remember what we have told them (repeatedly) in the past about stones and cars/they're only 6 and 4/what is a suitable "punishment"/"consequence" to their actions (going to see Finding Dory has been cancelled already, DH managed to not cut the arms of their toys, I'm looking a the Joules bag of goodies for them thinking they should be returned.....)

But really, what do you do?? Ask them not to do it again??? It doesn't work - they have a serious case of zero memory or "f*ck what you say, mum and dad, we don't care" which appears to be the case with most things at the moment.

:scream :scream :scream :scream :scream
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.

The one who struggles, hasn't quit.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby StJuniper » 31 Jul 2016, 12:26

Eeeshh. (((((URF)))) Kids are hard.

Under the circumstances, I'd be looking to have them make reparations, rather than just punishing then. They're old enough to understand that this is going to cost you money and mean you can't afford other things. I would explain that when an adult damages something that belongs to someone else, they take responsibility and pay for it, and that they don't have money, but to help pay back for the money you had to spend, they will have to take care of a certain number of chores around the house every week for two months, or something similar. I think that would be more memorable and teach more of a lesson than just taking away random items of theirs, as it reinforces the message that damaging other people's stuff means we have to take responsibility for correcting what we've done.
Mama to two boys, the Scout Kid P, 02/26/12 and the Feral Kid R 12/15/13, and one little Tumbleweed girl, 05/27/16.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby LucyLastic » 31 Jul 2016, 13:58

I feel your pain. The same thing happened to our car, but it was my friend's son who did it. We were staying with them at the time. My friend was mortified and offered to pay, but when we got quotes (we had no intention of landing them with the bill) it was over a grand, so we've had to just grit our teeth and leave it :-(
Mummy to C (May 2012)
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby qbm » 31 Jul 2016, 17:27

:scream

I've just seen it on fb! I like StJ's idea. And LL, ouch! :(
E - Aug 11
M - Feb 14
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby ches » 01 Aug 2016, 03:40

Okay, so a little perspective. Yes, they have caused damage that costs money, but they're just cars and they can be resprayed. They have made a bad choice, but have not deliberately sought to do irreparable harm. Your DH did the right thing leaving if he was that angry. However, punishment is not going to be the right lesson here. As StJ says, reparation is the right way. Still, they need to also know that THEY are more important than CARS. So, no being near the cars unsupervised. Include them in what they think the reparations should be. I would think a long, sticker-chart type of process to reinforce both the need to repair a harm and the fact that these things are not repaired quickly. However, harsh punishment is not going to send the right message. It will make you feel better, but it's not a teaching process. All they will learn from it is an eye for an eye. What they need to learn is how to apologize, take responsibility, and fix the problem they have caused.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby Kitcameron » 01 Aug 2016, 05:43

I think I agree with most of what you say Che, but I also think HF and her DH have every right to be angry about it. Something of theirs has been damaged and it sounds like it's not the first time stones and cars have come into conflict in the Foot household. I wouldn't want my girls to think they weren't allowed to be upset if someone damaged something of theirs, but it's about showing how you deal with that upset and I agree your DH did the right thing HF. I also think they are old enough to be taught better and like StJs way of working off their 'debt'.

I'm so sorry this has happened HF. There's always something isn't there.
Mummy to Slinky Malinky (Sept. 12) and Chunker Munker (June 14.)
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby ches » 01 Aug 2016, 20:04

I wasn't aware there had been prior crimes of a similar persuasion.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby junglewonderland » 02 Aug 2016, 05:47

HF, so sorry to hear this. We had a similar thing recently, except it was my kid and someone else's car :o The result is I can't leave Koala unsupervised near cars.

These people speak sense and I wish I had have done what STj suggested.
Mama to Feb boys, Koala (2012) and Taz (2015).
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 02 Aug 2016, 20:44

ches wrote:I wasn't aware there had been prior crimes of a similar persuasion.


UnhappyRightFoot wrote:I'm stuck here trying to think kindly that they didn't understand their actions/they couldn't remember what we have told them (repeatedly) in the past about stones and cars/they're only 6 and 4/


They have been caught several times throwing stones at the cars! DH believes my cracked windscreen is due to them doing this. I thought it was after a hail storm. We have no proof either way!

Thank you for your thoughts and advice ladies! Sunday was not a good day. But DH managed to fudge the paintwork with one of those little kits and hours of polishing (which will continue to try and improve it). It still looks a bit crap but the crapness is all the same colour, rather than white!!!

After we'd all calmed down, the girls had to give up their piggy bank and do chores each day for a week - we explained that we accepted that they didn't do it maliciously but that it needed to be paid for - Daddy and Mummy work in order to buy and pay for things, so they need to do the same, which they've been ok with. Munchie is proving a dab hand with the hoover and Pickle is enjoying doing the washing with mummy. I think the chores may continue......!!!! They keep asking why they are doing the chores so we are reinforcing that damage needs to be paid for.

We can't keep them away from the cars, they are parked right next to the lawn in the garden! I just hope they have learnt that cars and stones don't go together (mentioned in my first post - they had previously thrown stones at the cars!).

We do seem to have a lot of trouble with them doing as they are flipping well asked - from tidying to washing hands before dinner - it always seems to be a struggle. We missed going to a fun drama/dancing/singing thing at the library yesterday and, after having to ask them multiple times to put shoes on/clean teeth etc etc, we were too late. I'm trying to let natural consequences play out but if I did it all the time, we'd never leave the house!!!!!

The Joules bag of goodies also needs to be earned. Though the squeezing needed to get their current clothes in the wardrobe probably indicates the fact that they don't need any more clothes (but then I knew that before I went into the shop!!!!)

Thanks again! Gotta love the holidays! And now I have a cold. :(
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.

The one who struggles, hasn't quit.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby ches » 03 Aug 2016, 04:12

URF, one of the things I learned when reprogramming J at 4.5 was that the more often you ask/tell kids to do something, the less they think you mean it. It's more effective to have a bout of zero tolerance/once-and-done telling. A pointed look is better than a reminder. Sounds like you're stuck in "Mummy always tells me ten times so I ignore the first nine."
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 03 Aug 2016, 08:46

Where are the control alt delete buttons on these things or did you just pull his plug out of the wall???
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.

The one who struggles, hasn't quit.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby StJuniper » 03 Aug 2016, 12:40

Ooh, if powering them down and rebooting with better habits is an option, I want in.
Mama to two boys, the Scout Kid P, 02/26/12 and the Feral Kid R 12/15/13, and one little Tumbleweed girl, 05/27/16.
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Re: What do you do when........

Postby ches » 03 Aug 2016, 15:52

It took a month and a lot of bubblegum, but the new and improved version did not attack me 6 times a day for 45 min a go, try to hurt his 1 month old baby brother, or try and choke me while changing nappies, so it was worth it.
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