What do you do when........

[UnhappyRightFoot]

Your delightful children have used stones to scribble ALL OVER 4 panels of DH car and part of mine?? Yes folks, the cars probably need a re-spray!!!

DH has gone out as he's apoplecticly angry. Munchie blamed Pickle for it (a lie) and neither of the girls haven't apologised.

They are in their room reading, contemplating their actions. DH is out - I have no idea when he'll be back. And I'm stuck here trying to think kindly that they didn't understand their actions/they couldn't remember what we have told them (repeatedly) in the past about stones and cars/they're only 6 and 4/what is a suitable "punishment"/"consequence" to their actions (going to see Finding Dory has been cancelled already, DH managed to not cut the arms of their toys, I'm looking a the Joules bag of goodies for them thinking they should be returned.....)

But really, what do you do?? Ask them not to do it again??? It doesn't work - they have a serious case of zero memory or "f*ck what you say, mum and dad, we don't care" which appears to be the case with most things at the moment.

[StJuniper]

Eeeshh. (((((URF)))) Kids are hard.

Under the circumstances, I'd be looking to have them make reparations, rather than just punishing then. They're old enough to understand that this is going to cost you money and mean you can't afford other things. I would explain that when an adult damages something that belongs to someone else, they take responsibility and pay for it, and that they don't have money, but to help pay back for the money you had to spend, they will have to take care of a certain number of chores around the house every week for two months, or something similar. I think that would be more memorable and teach more of a lesson than just taking away random items of theirs, as it reinforces the message that damaging other people's stuff means we have to take responsibility for correcting what we've done.

[LucyLastic]

I feel your pain. The same thing happened to our car, but it was my friend's son who did it. We were staying with them at the time. My friend was mortified and offered to pay, but when we got quotes (we had no intention of landing them with the bill) it was over a grand, so we've had to just grit our teeth and leave it

[qbm]

I've just seen it on fb! I like StJ's idea. And LL, ouch!

[ches]

Okay, so a little perspective. Yes, they have caused damage that costs money, but they're just cars and they can be resprayed. They have made a bad choice, but have not deliberately sought to do irreparable harm. Your DH did the right thing leaving if he was that angry. However, punishment is not going to be the right lesson here. As StJ says, reparation is the right way. Still, they need to also know that THEY are more important than CARS. So, no being near the cars unsupervised. Include them in what they think the reparations should be. I would think a long, sticker-chart type of process to reinforce both the need to repair a harm and the fact that these things are not repaired quickly. However, harsh punishment is not going to send the right message. It will make you feel better, but it's not a teaching process. All they will learn from it is an eye for an eye. What they need to learn is how to apologize, take responsibility, and fix the problem they have caused.

[Kitcameron]

I think I agree with most of what you say Che, but I also think HF and her DH have every right to be angry about it. Something of theirs has been damaged and it sounds like it's not the first time stones and cars have come into conflict in the Foot household. I wouldn't want my girls to think they weren't allowed to be upset if someone damaged something of theirs, but it's about showing how you deal with that upset and I agree your DH did the right thing HF. I also think they are old enough to be taught better and like StJs way of working off their 'debt'.

I'm so sorry this has happened HF. There's always something isn't there.

[ches]

I wasn't aware there had been prior crimes of a similar persuasion.

[junglewonderland]

HF, so sorry to hear this. We had a similar thing recently, except it was my kid and someone else's car The result is I can't leave Koala unsupervised near cars.

These people speak sense and I wish I had have done what STj suggested.

[UnhappyRightFoot]

[ches]

URF, one of the things I learned when reprogramming J at 4.5 was that the more often you ask/tell kids to do something, the less they think you mean it. It's more effective to have a bout of zero tolerance/once-and-done telling. A pointed look is better than a reminder. Sounds like you're stuck in "Mummy always tells me ten times so I ignore the first nine."

[UnhappyRightFoot]

Where are the control alt delete buttons on these things or did you just pull his plug out of the wall???

[StJuniper]

Ooh, if powering them down and rebooting with better habits is an option, I want in.

[ches]

It took a month and a lot of bubblegum, but the new and improved version did not attack me 6 times a day for 45 min a go, try to hurt his 1 month old baby brother, or try and choke me while changing nappies, so it was worth it.