Should I raise this at school?

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Should I raise this at school?

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 27 May 2016, 21:04

Sorry - this is a bit long but please - WWYD??

There is a girl ("B") in Munchie's class who has always been, erm, shall we say, erm physically expressive?? They have been in the same class since nursery (age 2.5) and her lashings out have come and gone in severity but, with the exception of 2 playground incidents, if Munchie starts telling me about something that happened in school, it always involves this girl.

I wondered how her parents dealt with her (I'm not in their clique so don't really see them outside of school) but I did see her at a party a couple of years ago. Screaming was coming from inside a bouncy castle, mum of screaming child ran in and found B sat on top of him punching him round the head. Her mum took her out of the castle and just suggested that she didn't do it. No apology, no time out, no indication that this was not acceptable behaviour, and they just carried on. She did a few other things during that party, including hitting Munchie, but still no consequences.

She'd seemed to settle down a bit but now it's pepping up again. Munchie has told me of 3 incidents involving her in the last week - she had her hands round her neck and was "trying to strangle" her, she pushed her over in PE and then pinched her hard on the bottom in the playground. For that, she received "the first side of a triangle" (standard practice - if a child receives 3 sides, then its a note home to the parents regarding behaviour).

I ask Munchie about the circumstances, what's happened before, is she antagonising etc, and she's not giving any indication that B is retaliating on her. And given the history of B, it's unlikely. Munchie always tells the teacher - which they are supposed to do - and never retaliates back.

I collected Munchie from school last Friday and was having a brief chat with B's mum and B threw her cardi in her face then complained at her for not catching it. Mum remarked that she was pleased that school was teacher her such good manners. She then picked up her swimming bag and threw it straight at her mums tummy - hard - she was only standing 2 feet away. Nothing. No reaction. I was astonished (though, given how long this has been going on for, perhaps I shouldn't be).

Her other daughter - in Pickles year but thankfully, not class - is very much the same. I've seen her push a child over, and another, twist their fingers and then stamped on their foot!

From these occasions, I don't think it's being dealt with at home.

I don't think B is picking on Munchie in particular - she'll often list her amongst her good friends - I think she does it to others too.

Sooooo. Is it time to raise this with school or accept that school have noted and are disciplining her and hope they are seperated with the classes are mixed up at the end of the year (though this won't stop playground incidents). DH is all for telling her to hit back (which I kinda get, but nooooo!) and that will just get her into trouble and it's really not in her nature to behave that way. She's such a gentle soul and at the moment, she's doing exactly what she should - walking away and telling the teacher.

I'm just not sure if I should speak to her teacher.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby mamapup » 27 May 2016, 21:49

Could you raise it informally with the teacher? Ask if they're aware and what they're doing because it's impacting on your child and you need to know what to tell her.

With the puppy, who has one violent chjld in his class,.we've talked about how he has amazing language skills and good thinking skills so he can use them to express that he's not happy but this other kid doesn't have such good language skills so uses his skill, which is his strength, to express his feelings. Doesn't necessarily help but reminds the puppy to not respond with violence.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby emzit » 28 May 2016, 10:28

I think you're absokutely within reason to ask how the school is handling the behaviour because it is having an impact on munchie. I wouldnt make a big deal of it, I think, but I would make it known that there has been some historical issues just so they're aware.

I wouldn't mention the way you saw the child and parent interacting because that feels like interfering in their relationship which obviously the school doesn't have any away over - I don't think you were asking about that but it wasn't totally clear from your post.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby Ali70 » 28 May 2016, 11:09

What Emzit said. I'd want reassurance that they're aware of it and are dealing with it.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 29 May 2016, 19:46

emzit wrote:I wouldn't mention the way you saw the child and parent interacting because that feels like interfering in their relationship which obviously the school doesn't have any away over - I don't think you were asking about that but it wasn't totally clear from your post.


You're right, it's not for the school or me to interfere in it, but I just feel that they aren't doing anything to curb their childrens behaviour. It appears (from what I've seen) that they are leaving disciplining to school or their child minders.

I just feel like I'm past thinking it's age appropriate behaviour and they need some boundaries and discipline. It's gone on for too long - B is 6.5!!!!

Thank you for your thoughts. I'll speak to the teacher next week.
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.

The one who struggles, hasn't quit.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby emzit » 30 May 2016, 03:13

HappyFeet wrote:
emzit wrote:I wouldn't mention the way you saw the child and parent interacting because that feels like interfering in their relationship which obviously the school doesn't have any away over - I don't think you were asking about that but it wasn't totally clear from your post.


You're right, it's not for the school or me to interfere in it, but I just feel that they aren't doing anything to curb their childrens behaviour. It appears (from what I've seen) that they are leaving disciplining to school or their child minders.

I just feel like I'm past thinking it's age appropriate behaviour and they need some boundaries and discipline. It's gone on for too long - B is 6.5!!!!

Thank you for your thoughts. I'll speak to the teacher next week.


I agree! But I'm not sure what you can do about it!
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby qbm » 30 May 2016, 17:22

I think it's always worth raising these things in a nice-but-concerned-parent way, even if the teacher is doing all she can. Sometimes it's good for a teacher to be able to go to senior management and say 'so and so's parent has raised x, y and z about 'B' again'. They might be more likely to provide more resources to the teacher or get involved more as management.
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Re: Should I raise this at school?

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 06 Jun 2016, 19:02

I spoke to Munchie's teacher today. She (obviously) knew all about it and was trying to work with B to improve behaviour. She'd also spoken to her mother who was shocked by her behaviour (REALLY??????????) but there are some "family things going on with the girls" so teacher suspects B is acting out because of this. It wasn't just Munchie she had been physical with.

I made the point that I knew school were aware of the issues because Munchie had told me, but that she was particularly upset about it on Saturday and I'd said I would discuss it.

I'm wondering if they are thinking of pulling the girls out of school. They have mentioned affordability before but had carried on as they hadn't come up with anything else. I thought they'd decided to stay on but perhaps not. I don't know - I'm just speculating.

So, it's been noted and school are working with her. Hopefully she'll calm down. Or leave.
Mummy to my two miracle baby girls - The Thunder Fairies. Munchie born May 2010 and Ickle Pickle born July 2012.

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