WWYD- Family Wedding

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WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby StJuniper » 24 Apr 2016, 13:43

Please help, I'm so torn!
My brother is getting married this summer in Montreal. It's an 8-hour drive. DH and I are both in the wedding and I'll have a three-month-old. We have to get a hotel downtown for 2 nights, so $$. It makes plenty of practical sense to leave the boys with my in-laws for the weekend.

BUT. There are only so many family weddings! I would really love them to be there. Our alternative idea was to ask either DH's sister or parents to drive to Montreal with us, get two side-by-side hotel rooms, and have them babysit during prep and party. This would mean renting a larger vehicle, an extra hotel room, and a lot more logistical gymnastics throughout the day. My head says no but my heart says yes. WWYD?
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby ches » 24 Apr 2016, 13:55

I thought it was normal for the bride & groom to pay the expenses of the people who are in the wedding. I think you'd regret the boys not being there. Just ask for help.
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby StJuniper » 24 Apr 2016, 14:11

I've never been very up on wedding etiquette-- and this isn't going to be a particularly traditional wedding-- but I know I wouldn't ask my brother to pay. He's just finished being a student, and is in a much less financially secure position than we are. If we ask anyone for help it will be my parents. I feel fine about doing that but DH is reluctant...
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby lizandimo » 24 Apr 2016, 15:02

It sounds like you'll really regret it if you don't take them, so if there's any way of doing it, I would. I'm sure your parents would love to see the boys there too, so if you feel fine about asking them for help I think I would. Can your DH be persuaded?

I didn't know it was tradition to pay all the wedding party's expenses, we certainly didn't even think of it! My bridesmaids even offered to pay for their own dresses, that was definitely not traditional!
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby EnigmaFish » 24 Apr 2016, 16:41

If it's important to you that they are there, then do everything you can to make that happen.
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby ChristmasGift » 24 Apr 2016, 19:46

I think I'd want them there too. I went to a friends wedding a year or so back and really regretted not taking The Babs - especially when I saw the other children there. I'd say take them if you can find a way.
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby LucyLastic » 24 Apr 2016, 20:45

I think you've answered your own question, SJ. It's not like it's a distant relation - it's your brother. As you say, these days are few and far between and even though it migt be tricky, you'll find a way to make it work. Rather than pay for a bigger car, an extra hotel room, etc, could you not hire a babysitter for the day at that end? Maybe your brother or his other half know of someone who could do it? Hope you find a solution.
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Re: WWYD- Family Wedding

Postby emzit » 25 Apr 2016, 05:00

I agree with the others. It's your brother, they're allowed to go, I'd take them. Can other family members that will be going look after the boys while you're getting ready? It could be at their hotel or yours. And then a babysitter for the party? If you stay somewhere close you could even go back and settle them to bed then go back to the party, especially if it's not someone they're familiar with.

I've never heard of it being traditional to pay wedding party expenses. It's hot or miss as to whether outfits are paid for (we did for ours as we felt bad asking them to pay, especially as my bridesmaids both came from overseas) but I had to pay all expenses to be my sisters bridesmaid, I reckon it cost us $2k overall and was a huge hassle given that squish was 4 weeks old and I wasn't allowed to bring him to the reception. I'm still mad about it.
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