I can't keep this up

Second babies? Forgotten everything about breast and formula, napping and wrapping and you are are going a bit MAD because you haven't slept in three days? Or it's your first baby and you are here researching the joys of weaning?

I can't keep this up

Postby Alstarofwonder » 28 Nov 2013, 07:49

Just that really. I know I have to keep going obviously, but I honestly don't know how I can. R doesn't sleep in her cot at night (it's a cosleeper abutting our bed) and needs to be nestled in to me. This means I can't really relax or move and therefore not getting proper sleep. Even when she is with me she's waking up every 2-3 hours and being restless in between. I think I've had about 3 hours sleep last night. I just don't know what to do. She won't sleep on her back due to a floppy larynx which gives her reflux (dr says she'll grow out of it). Every time I try to put her down she just wakes up. I'm snappy and irritable with E and it's not her fault, she's just being a 2 year old. DH says we need to put R in her own room, but I'm not sure how that would help if she can't sleep on her own in our room. Anyone got any suggestions, or just sympathy?! How do people cope on so little sleep? (Also worried about pnd as I keep randomly crying :-()
Mum to E (squizzer) since 9/8/11 and R (monkey chops) 3/9/13
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby jvnt » 28 Nov 2013, 07:54

Lots of sympathy from here. Lack if sleep is the pits and I have been known to randomly cry on a lot more than three hours x
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Maybe tonight » 28 Nov 2013, 08:07

All the sympathy in the world, I dont know about pnd but keep checking on yourself with that in mind. It is probably (just :( ) sleep deprivation, which is fucking awful. I don't know how we cope, except taking every last scrap of sleep that is available. Is there anyone who can take the two of them out for a walk (or anything) every day for an hour so you can sleep? Will she sleep nestled into your dh? Moving her to her own room may help in the long term, but you need sleep now, so think short term for now. What time does your dh start work, can he get up an hour earlier/ take a shift in the night to leave you in bed alone even for an hour? I think there really is a tipping point (for me anyway) between functional crazy sleep deprivation and non functional/unsafe and the difference can be one single nap. Call in favours. Let people know you need help. Get your dh to take a day off work if that is your only option. It will get better, ((((((()))))).
Lovely boy born June 2012
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby t&n's mummy » 28 Nov 2013, 08:26

Can your dh take her in the day for you to have a sleep? Lack of sleep is just awful and when your lo wakes up/sleeps like that it is so tough, you will gradually get used to it, in the meantime, ask for help from dh or someone who can give you a break, make sure you rest when she does, don't be too ambitious with getting things done, take it easier on yourself and do something for you, even if it's just walking to the shop to buy chocolate, I know all of this is easier said than done, especially when you also have a 2yo, I am another who keeps randomly crying, I agree that lack of sleep can trigger that, but do look out for yourself.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby FestiveTidings » 28 Nov 2013, 09:15

The best tip I have is what I did with Roo:

Get a bath towel. Fold it in half widthways and lie her on it when you are getting her to sleep. You lie on it too so it has your warmth and smell.

When she is asleep gently easy yourself way and use the towel to slide her into her cot. Roll up each side of towel (rolling under so it doesn't come loose) so that she is nestled in and it is close to her, providing warmth, scent and the feeling something is there.

When he became restless I would just move as close as I could and put my hand on him. It sometimes settled him back, sometimes not.

But sympathies, it does suck and I am not looking forward to it!
Mum to Roo born Feb 2011 and Wee One born April 2014 - each one a miracle.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby 3KiwiChicks » 28 Nov 2013, 09:45

((((()))))) Oh, lack of sleep is just the worst thing ever. I dont know how many times I have said 'NO MORE' over the last six years.... but somehow always make it out the other side. You will too. Drop everything else and take it easy on yourself. Keep checking in with yourself and ask honestly if you are just tired.

Wish I could be more helpful. I would come around and watch your babies if I could.... anyone who can come and do that for you?? just for a couple of hours so you can sleep? Might make the world of difference.

xxxx
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Gizmo » 28 Nov 2013, 09:49

(((((((())))))))
Just a view point from a non cosleeper. Have you tried putting her in her own room? Mine slept in their own room from day one because DH is a severe sleep walker and it wasn't safe for them to be in our room. I'm sure they slept well because they had a dark quiet room where we weren't disturbing them. We did have lots of monitors (both the main one and also those under mattress breathing monitors). It might be worth a try for a night or two to see if it makes a difference, if it doesn't work move her back.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Kanga » 28 Nov 2013, 11:05

Gizmo wrote:(((((((())))))))
Just a view point from a non cosleeper. Have you tried putting her in her own room? Mine slept in their own room from day one because DH is a severe sleep walker and it wasn't safe for them to be in our room. I'm sure they slept well because they had a dark quiet room where we weren't disturbing them. We did have lots of monitors (both the main one and also those under mattress breathing monitors). It might be worth a try for a night or two to see if it makes a difference, if it doesn't work move her back.


This is an interesting point. Ds was in with us till he was about 11 weeks & he definitely slept better once he was in his own room. I think we disturbed him as much as the other way round! Like gizmo said, you can always move her back if it doesn't work.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Alstarofwonder » 28 Nov 2013, 13:55

Thank you everyone. Feeling marginally better. My mum is going to take E for a couple of nights, so hopefully I can have a sleep when R does, even if it's just cuddling up to me! DH is very good too, he already deals with E when she wakes in the night and tries to give me a lie in (which doesn't always work as R doesn't seem to like him very much at the moment) and he also walks the dog twice a day, so he's definitely pulling his weight. I do feel like I must be doing something wrong or not doing something I should be doing to get her to sleep a bit better.

It's interesting what you say gizmo and kanga. E slept through the night the first time we put her in her own room at 4.5 months old. I do feel that I'm disturbing her and we have a movement sensor monitor so not worried on that score, it's just that she rarely stays asleep in her cot for more than 30-45 minutes at a time and I don't think her own room will make much difference to that. Maybe we should.give it a try and see, we can.always bring her back into our bed in the night, so.nothing lost.
Thanks again.
Mum to E (squizzer) since 9/8/11 and R (monkey chops) 3/9/13
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Lily » 28 Nov 2013, 14:30

alstar.ali wrote:I do feel like I must be doing something wrong or not doing something I should be doing to get her to sleep a bit better.


I felt like this for months - I think sleep deprivation just undermines your confidence in your own judgment so much, that you question everything. And I definitely remember randomly crying loads, from sheer exhaustion. It's horrible, the one thing I dread about having another baby, but you do drag yourself through it day by day and it does gradually improve.

Did the doctor give you any indication of when she might grow out of the reflux? Re: sleeping on her back, I know it's recommended for safety reasons, but can she roll onto her side yet? If so, might she be more comfortable like that? Iz has slept on his side since he was about 2 months old, and certainly settled better that way - I think it feels less exposed for a LO to be snuggled up a bit.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Sallie » 28 Nov 2013, 14:41

Would you be interested in medicating her for reflux and would this help with the sleep issue? Just thinking if you think it would help it might be ask nagging the GP about it as saying she'll grow out of it is well and good but not much help to you in getting through at this point in time. They probably aren't thinking about the impact on you and the whole family if it is the reflux keeping her awake at night.

Re PND my GP said if I was at all concerned to see them asap so it might be worth discussing. They have a series of questions they can go through which should help you identify whether it is PND or just exhaustion. To be honest, whatever name you give it, it is tough going whether PND or not so just getting the support you need to help you cope is important. It sounds like your Mum and DH are supportive so keep asking for help.

When you say you feel you are doing something wrong, are you saying that as you are hoping there's something out there you can still try or are you feeling low in confidence and blaming yourself for something you can't really help, ie how good (or not!) your baby is as a sleeper?
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Pics » 28 Nov 2013, 15:06

Argh! Lost long reply typed with one hand!
Merryn is a similar age, and is much better at sleeping but still only does one 5/6 hour stretch at night, never before midnight. But she didn't do this til I moved the cot away from my bed, and also I realised she was not warm enough despite following guidelines as when she woke her chest and back felt really really cool.
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Alstarofwonder » 28 Nov 2013, 16:26

Thanks again everyone.

We actually put her on her tummy. I know it's completely not recommended, but in the beginning she screamed every time we tried to put her on her back, but settled fine on her front, so we went with it. She's not actually diagnosed with reflux, it's just the impression I get and it goes along with the floppy larynx which we have got a diagnosis for. I guess I should go and see the gp. They might be able to help.

Sallie, it isn't that I'm blaming myself for her not sleeping, it's just that I feel there must be something else to try, although from what my mum says my sister and I were exactly the same so it's probably just something that is preprogrammed or something!
Mum to E (squizzer) since 9/8/11 and R (monkey chops) 3/9/13
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Re: I can't keep this up

Postby Sallie » 28 Nov 2013, 18:54

I didn't want to give you loads of reassurance re not feeling guilty when you really just wanted some ideas to help! Might swaddling help? I can't get my youngest to sleep without having his arms swaddled because he has such busy arms he can't settle otherwise and keeps himself awake then screams as he's so tired. I was thinking that might be why sleeping next to you and on her tummy is helping as it calms her arms? We have the same set up cot wise as you but I still have to bring him in if he wakes around 5ish as by then his arms break out of the swaddling so the only way to calm them down is for me to be holding him.
To be honest I would get the reflux checked as from people I've seen with it getting it sorted made a huge difference, you never know maybe you and your sister had it too and it was never diagnosed.
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