How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story below

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How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story below

Postby LucyLastic » 23 Feb 2014, 02:22

I need to lose some weight. Like a third of my current bodyweight. Everything hurts. I'm tired all the time. It's really dragging me down. I decided to do something about my weight a couple of years ago and joined a gym which I started going to about four times a week and I was really feeling the benefits, but then got pregnant and had SPD from about week 11 so found it all quite tough going and had to stop. As I've mentioned in other threads, while I was pregnant, my parents both passed away very suddenly, three weeks apart. My sister was hospitalised from some as yet still undiagnosed vomiting condition (now minus 9 stone and retiring through ill health at the age of 40 :-(...) My unborn daughter was then diagnosed with severe bilateral ventriculomegaly in utero at my 20 week scan and I then had a further 7 scans, 3 fetal MRIs and was told that I should be prepared for palliative care at birth. I weighed less at the end of my pregnancy than I did at the beginning.
My little girl was born with no apparent problems. Can't express the joy and relief at that, as it was intertwined with loss and grief for my parents and for the baby I had been told I would likely never see grow up and constant worry about my lovely sister. I was then made redundant during my maternity leave and my BF had had to resign when our daughter was born as I had to have a CS and had been told I would likely have to go back and forth to hospital every day as they have no accommodation for parents of babies in neonatal. Thankfully, it didn't turn out that way, but anyway.
So here we are. Nearly two years on and I have done some pretty serious comfort eating. Am 41 and weigh 120kg *sighs despondently*.
Despite cooking properly for my BF and C, by the time it's ready, I just don't fancy what I've cooked. So I end up eating rubbish later. We've had 2 moves since C arrived and I don't know anyone where I live. We're out of synch with the world - get up late and so go to bed late, so we never go to mother and baby groups - the one time I did go, it felt cliquey and it was exhausting following C around and having to stop her from wrecking the place (exaggeration, but it was just hassle) I can't go to the gym as have no one to babysit, so can only do walking or exercise at home, but just know I'll find it hard going without that structure of the gym and no one breathing down my neck and also I have no idea where to start. If it's too much, I'll just give up and find excuses to do other things instead. Like sitting down with my iPad. I also find going out for the sake of going out pretty hard. The purposelessness of it annoys me. I've taken C out to the park and the zoo but it feels more hassle than it's worth.
I was a member of WW online but cancelled it as I just wasn't using it. Have read up about 5:2 and plan on starting it 'tomorrow'. Always 'tomorrow'.
Any advice on how I can drag my sorry a*se off the sofa and into a more positive place??? I'm not depressed, per se, just really annoyed with myself for not giving enough of a sh*t to do something to help myself. I'm the only one that can make the changes. Having said that, I could probably keep a counsellor busy for a while! (Although, no babysitter = no counsellor)
BF starts a new job (fingers crossed) in March, after being at home for most of the last two years, so will find that strange too. Lovely as it has been to have him around sharing childcare and for him to see her grow up - a privilege, I cannot wait for him to gtfo of the house.
Anyway, apologies for the massahussive post and for rambling on but I feel a bit better just for having actually asked for some advice... Thanks.
Mummy to C (May 2012)
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby GHJingle » 23 Feb 2014, 06:56

C25K worked wonders for me. I lost nearly 40kg after A was born (was about 113kg). Do you have a smart phone? download the app and it tells you when to run and when to walk - put C in the push chair and off you go.
I totally get where you are coming from, I have ups and downs with exercise and motivation to do anything. I do find that when I exercise regularly (I try and run 3 times a week now), I have more energy, am happier and am a much better parent to A.

Good luck!
A (May 2012), B (Feb 2016)
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby supermansmum » 23 Feb 2014, 07:00

Have a hug (())) what a rough ride. Sounds like you've got yourself into a rut....it's a cliche but one thing at a time and slowly change the habits you want to change.
I have over the years tried different diets and exercise plans to shift weight but never worked or stuck to it. About 6 months ago I decided to try again and found a local bootcamp which has really worked for me. I love the social side (if it worked with bf new job so you could go then maybe that would work) but the big difference was the nutrition advice. In fact our trainer claims it's 80% nutrition. Have a search online for "eating clean" basically no processed food. We started with the "elimination diet" for first month too. It took me a week or so to get my head around it but you can eat as much as you want of the right foods so doesn't feel like a diet. I sound like I'm really preaching but it really worked for me so I thought I'd share. I've lost 2 stone now and feel more energetic. HTH
Mum to two Supermen - Aka D Jan -09 & E March-11
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby junglewonderland » 23 Feb 2014, 07:01

LL, it sounds like you have had a massive few years and deserve lots and lots of hugs. It is pretty amazing to have survived what you have. It is also pretty hard to make huge changes with a small one in tow.

Hearing your story, my first thought was that you do need comfort, but you are not happy with the consequences of eating for comfort. Is there somewhere else you could find that comfort? Something that makes you feel good and soothes you. Like relaxation, a massage, getting crafty, calling a friend, hugging your cat. It can just be hard to stop doing something without replacing it with something else.

(((LL)))
Mama to Feb boys, Koala (2012) and Taz (2015).
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby shye » 23 Feb 2014, 08:22

(())

A few of us on here have lost a significant amount of weight. I lost 50lbs. We all have opinions, and you have to go with what works for you.

In my opinion, diets (particularly those with names) don't work long term. I ate less and moved more. In the beginning that meant lifting my legs/squats when I was waiting for the kettle, going up the stairs more, doing arm circles... And then walks, Zumba class, etc...it got easier quickly.

Most of the weight fell off very quickly. I counted calories with my fitness pal, which was really helpful. I aimed for 1500 - less made me weak and dizzy. If I wanted to eat more, I moved more :wink:

It can be done. But don't start tomorrow. Start now. It doesn't matter if it is the middle of the day and the day started badly.
Mummy to E (nov 08) and Birdy (dec 10)
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby Nix » 23 Feb 2014, 08:41

Another recommendation for my fitness pal. I lost 2 stone using that 2 years ago and I intend to again when I can get my head together. My baby is feeding 12 times a day still and I am absolutely not ready to commit yet but as P starts weaning I hope to get my active and start counting calories again. I weigh around 95kg and I am really not happy with how I look. I know how you feel. *hugs*.
Very proud mummy to three little stars:

Harvey born January 2009
Jasper born October 2010
Pippa born January 2013
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby Nix » 23 Feb 2014, 08:43

I didn't join a gym when I lost weight btw-I just made my lifestyle more active. I walked daily, swam once a week and that seemed to do the trick.
Very proud mummy to three little stars:

Harvey born January 2009
Jasper born October 2010
Pippa born January 2013
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby bigcatmaniac » 23 Feb 2014, 08:59

((LL))

I too am a comfort eater - but last year I managed to lose 2 stone, and keep it off for months (I am now pregnant again so putting on again but moderately this time, instead of becoming the size of a house like last time). I was the smallest, fittest and happiest I'd been for ages. Instead of it being about losing weight, for me it was about feeling better about myself. In my head I wanted to change for me - not for anyone else.

I started slow - walking everywhere with my LO in the buggy, gradually going further and further each time, starting one the flat and building up to going uphill etc. I also went to the Zumba Gold class in the village hall - this is aimed at OAP's but I could take my LO in the pram when she was small. It wouldn't work now as she wouldn't stay entertained for th class but was good when she was tiny.

When I felt confident enough, I started doing Buggyfit in the park with a local personal trainer. What suited me was that it was the only proper class I could find that allowed you to take th babies. I couldn't run or even jog anywhere to start with but I found people understood - they were all mums with babies and or / toddlers, it wasn't cliquey as we all had to start somewhere after having our children, it wasn't about losing weight - it was about being active in a baby friendly way. One of the classes was in a centre with a cafe so i tried to go to that one so i could stay back after the class and have a cuppa with some of the others sometimes - so it was sociable too but not in an 'in your face' way. Again I built up slowly - starting to jog and run when I felt able, doing more circuits etc.

After a few months I did a specific 6 week plan with the same trainer which was centred more on losing weight. I felt I needed someone else to help me change my eating habits. We also used My Fitness Pal to log our food intake and exercise activities during the 6 weeks. The trainer could then review our progress weekly. Weight and measurements were taken at the start, weekly weigh in an then weight and measurement again at the end. I was given a short ten minute workout to do every day over the 6 weeks, gradually getting harder each week. I did this when my LO had her morning nap to make sure I did it. I lost most of the 2 stone while on this plan but kept it off with maintaining the ethos - eat less (and mainly healthy) and move more. The basic 'diet' wasn't rocket science - it just helped me get out of my rut - eat smaller portions, eat more protein, more fresh and much less processed stuff. My Fitness Pal helped cos I could see the impact of the snacking immediately, and could see how I needed to increase my output to balance out what I ate. The weekly weigh ins helped as I felt I needed someone to keep tabs on me.

Perhaps you could make use of the time before your BF starts work to use him to babysit while you go out and do something for yourself. A treat like a massage - or just a way to get out the house on a nice day and breathe some fresh air. A walk to the shops or the post office is small and achievable.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on - we can be your motivators on here if you are having a wobbly day. And if you eat something you 'shouldn't', who cares - just get back on the horse and start again.

Bigcat
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby jvnt » 23 Feb 2014, 10:56

Agree with shye - you need to find what works for you. I really don't believe in diets, I find the fitter I get the easier I find it to make good food choices, a mix of generally feeling good and less interested in food and not wanting to undo that run for the sake of a plate of chips. I always start with exercise and the food naturally follows. -


Walking more and staying active in the evening rather than sitting on the sofa is a good start. For me boot camp really worked, somehow it was full of people like me rather than the super fit thin gym bunnies I was imagining. C25k was also brilliant. My fitness pal is tedious but really good to get perspective on what you need to be doing differently to loose weight.
jvnt, mother to The Boy, August '09, Baby Dragon, January '12 and HP May '14.
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby catkin » 23 Feb 2014, 13:34

{{{}}} what a time you've had.
TBH it sounded to me like what you need isn't a diet scheme but to get yourself out of the place where you need to comfort eat.
The not going out thing struck me particularly.
How old is C? (Sorry I can't remember from other threads.) I can't imagine facing the toddler years without regular fresh air and adult company. Perhaps the group you went to didn't work for you, and perhaps you need to pick another or give it more of a chance. I usually find it takes a few weeks at these things before you start to recognise faces and get to know a few parents, and the kids get the idea of what's there and stop charging round at 100mph playing with everything for 30 seconds then moving on to explore the next thing.
Could you join some kind of evening activity? I find getting out even once a week helps keep me sane. Even if it's just visiting a friend in the evening. I wouldn't join a diet group myself as then you're just thinking about food. Why not join a choir or a sewing group or a language class, whatever you enjoy, then you'd be with people having fun and not even notice you're not eating. If you wanted to join a gym or something couldn't you do it in the evening when BF is home from work? Meanwhile while he's not working why not take advantage of his being home and go swimming or walking or something for yourself in the daytime. Even going out shopping would get you lots of walking exercise and a break!
I sound all bossy there, I hope that doesn't come across wrong, I'm just trying to give you a load of ideas to see if one fits. I just know for myself that I need to take the plunge and sign myself up for something, even if I'm not quite sure, and I'm in so much a better place when I'm busy even if it seems like a hassle to start with.
Mum to Mouse b May 2009 & Little Hamster b Feb 2012.
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby pirate_han » 23 Feb 2014, 14:35

It struck me too that you're struggling to get out - I really struggle going more than a few days without speaking to other adults. I just wanted to share that I met my best friend since becoming a mum on the NetMums 'Meet A Mum' local board, I'd be willing to bet that if you posted on there looking for somebody to go walking with with your babies you'd get replies, and that would be a start. I agree with the others - once I start exercising a bit I feel better and have the energy to exercise a bit more, and the other parts fall into place. Not that it's easy, because it isn't, but if you can start you can continue. Good luck ((()))
B - March 12
A - January 15
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby jvnt » 24 Feb 2014, 02:04

Just to say that going out for the sake of it is not my favourite thing either, aimlessly wandering through the park drives me nuts but walking through the park on the way to the supermarket or dry cleaners or whatever is just fine - it's all about how I frame it! I do agree though that meeting other role during the day is very important to me for motivation and happiness - seems like some good suggestions to meet people in your area.
jvnt, mother to The Boy, August '09, Baby Dragon, January '12 and HP May '14.
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby SharkiesMum » 24 Feb 2014, 03:49

Firstly (((()))) it sounds like you have had a really rough couple of years. Not getting out each day with C must be tough. I'm sorry you don't know anyone where you live...there are a few of us on here that live relatively near to you, but I am not very near (30 miles). I know when I started going to groups some groups were awful and felt so cliquey and made you feel worse going, but then I found a great breastfeeding group (irrelavant that its BF though) and met lots of lovely people through that. If you can face it I would keep trying out a few different groups. I have a friend who goes to a toddler group in Wincheap and finds that really good (not sure what it's called). I think if you could start getting out each day it could make it easier to eat less comfort food and get more unstructured exercise (just by walking to groups or to meet up with people). ((LL)) hope things start to improve a bit for you. It's always hard when you move somewhere new.
A - April 2012
T - May 2014
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby Rahgamuffin » 24 Feb 2014, 06:39

LL, where are you now? You said Tunbridge Wells way? As SM say, there are quite a few of us around here (although not at as close as when you were in Canters, still can't believe I missed that!)
Mum to B (05/08), J (02/11) & L (01/14)
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Re: How do I find my get-up-and-go? Warning: long story belo

Postby SharkiesMum » 24 Feb 2014, 09:10

Oh, sorry LL, I thought you were new to Canterbury!
A - April 2012
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