Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Cloth nappies, disposies, potty training... the inevitable result of BLW. What goes in, must come out.

Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Ali70 » 13 Jul 2015, 11:42

We're just starting to contemplate potty training at nursery and I'm not quite sure of when/the best way to do it. Nursery helpfully said they'd do whatever we want. I'd love to know how you guys handled potty training at nursery.

For the past week Sproglet has been sitting on the potty when we ask her to and we're catching all but about one wee a day. She tells us when she needs a poo, but not a wee, we're just catching them by regular potty trips. She wears a nappy when we go out and understands that you can wee in a nappy, but not in knickers.

I'm a bit stuck as to what to do next. The safe route seems to be to send her to nursery in nappies for the three days she's in and then return to potty training at home for the four days she's off. She gets upset if she wets herself so I'm worried about denting her confidence and setting her up to fail by sending her to nursery in knickers too early (given she really understands the difference between nappies and knickers I'm a bit wary of introducing pull ups and confusing things entirely).

But another part of me wonders if I'm being too cautious and whether I should just send her to nursery with lots of spare knickers and ask them to sit her on the potty every hour like we've been doing.

What do you think oh wise ones?
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Marrow » 13 Jul 2015, 11:59

We started on Saturday and sent her to nursery in knickers on Monday. C was witholding rather than weeing all over the place, but we would have done this anyway.

We also put some nappies and some pull ups in her bag, and basically told her key worker (who is quite senior and experienced and generally great) that she should play it by ear.

What does Sproglet think?
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Ali70 » 13 Jul 2015, 12:24

Thanks Marron. I haven't asked Sproglet yet - I think if I offer her the choice she'll say she wants to wear knickers so I don't want to give her the choice until I'm sure I'm happy with her doing that! I am leaning towards stopping being so over protective and just getting on with it. I think I just need a bit of a shove in that direction!
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby sabrina fair » 13 Jul 2015, 15:52

We went very slowly following his lead and treated nursery as being out - so he had been dry at home for a while before wearing pants to nursery. I found he didn't get confused by the different rules, and I just asked him one week if he'd like to wear pants rather than nappy - one week he said no and the next he said yes.

I'd say if she's upset when she wets herself, better to keep her in nappies there with plenty of potty visits, and move to the next step when she's had a bit more practice at home.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 14 Jul 2015, 00:50

For both of them, we started potty training after the last day of the week at nursery, to give them 5 days run in. And they went cold turkey with lots of changes of clothes. Nursery would take them to the toilet every 20 minutes until a wee came out, and then 30 minutes after that, then 20 minutes, and so on.

In my experience and speaking to others, they take longer to "get it" at nursery than at home - whether they are too occupied or whatever it is, but both were a couple of months behind where we were at home.

Both nurseries were very happy to go with this, even thought it meant up to 6 accidents a day (and lots of messy poo from Pickle as she was a struggle).

I do know that some children can struggle with the nappies at nursery, knickers at home thing - but that is child dependent. I would also point out that neither of mine were upset by accidents!!! If she is happy to wear knickers, then go for it. If it does cause a lot of upset, you can always go back to pull ups for nursery until she feels a bit more ready.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby mamapup » 14 Jul 2015, 17:56

We went cold turkey. In fact, the puppy saw his best friend in pants on a non nursery day and insisted he was wearing pants from then on. We asked nursery the next day and they said yes so actually they did the first few days really. They're trained to do it and don't seem to mind at all.

We have just asked them to start taking little Croc although of course she's still in nappies but is obsessed with potties and loos.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Ali70 » 23 Jul 2015, 13:46

Thanks for all the different perspectives. We sent her in nappies in the end last week to give her extra time to build her confidence and then had a good 4 non nursery, nappy free days at home. So we went for it and sent her to nursery in knickers this week. 2 accidents and 2 wees on the potty in nursery on Tuesday, 4 accidents and one wee in the potty yesterday.

I expect accidents, and they're not upsetting her too much now, but I'm not convinced nursery are doing as much as they could to help her. When I asked how she was getting on they said fine, but she doesn't tell them when she needs a wee so she's having accidents. Well yes, she's 2, that's the skill she's trying to learn. I told them that at the start of the week - she'll wee if you tell her to sit on the potty, but she won't tell you she needs a wee, or if you ask her if she needs one she'll say no.

I've explained that if they tell her to sit on the potty about once an hour, it should work. But they look at me like I'm some crazy over protective mother. They're asking her several times an hour if she needs to go (she'll always say no) and taking her when they do the usual toilet runs. But I don't think that's enough. I think they should be doing what we're doing - telling her to go to the toilet, not asking her, watching out for her dancing around which means she needs a wee and telling her to go to the loo then rather than waiting for her to ask etc. I know that's more effort, but this is a very short term thing, if they put some effort in now we should be able to crack this.

I've been impressed by nursery for the last year but I feel they're a bit lazy around this. AIBU?
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby UnhappyRightFoot » 23 Jul 2015, 14:07

My experience (of 2 different nurseries) is that they "want" to do it your way but either because they have so many children doing it differently, several members of staff to ensure your wishes are adhered to so messages are not passed on etc, they seem to slip and not do what you're asking them to do! At least not at the start!

I suggested they take DD every 20-30 minutes to sit on the potty/loo. Not ask, but take her. Then after she'd wee'd, leave if for about an hour then start the taking her again. And of course, take her at set times such as before eating.

Every day - I would ask what they have done and if they are waiting for her to say she needs a wee - keep telling them it doesn't work at home so it isn't going to work at nursery!! She needs TAKING! By reiterating what is working at home and what doesn't work at home, they got on board.

DH was convinced they just couldn't be bothered to take her as she had so many accidents but I think it is in their interests to get a child dry, rather than keep changing them and clearing it all up!! They just take a lot longer to get dry at nursery for a combinations of reasons and it just is what it is - it takes time.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby bigcatmaniac » 23 Jul 2015, 18:53

We are still at that stage Ali of her not knowing she needs to go, but going regularly when you put her on the potty after 2 months. So I've gone back to pull ups for a bit. Today she asked for pants when getting dressed but is happy to wear a pull up when we go out. So many accidents. And now the baby is walking and climbing everything - I just can't chase after her and check for wee's all the time. I ask her when baby is napping etc and she's usually happy to go, and if we are out and lots of her friends (who are all now pretty much potty trained) go to the big girls loo, she'll go to and wee but she just doesn't know / ask if she needs yet. She's three in a few weeks. Really thought we'd have this cracked by now but she's not ready yet. Playgroup are fine - but just take her with the big group. If she asked outside of this, they'd take her but I suspect she is not, as she doesn't ask at home.

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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Kitcameron » 25 Jul 2015, 20:02

I sent SM to nursery to be potty trained lol. Well that's not why she I itialy started nursery, I mean i started the day before she had two days at nursery so they could train her those two days and I just continued doing what they were doing at home. But she was capable of using a potty by then and would use it when butt naked,must was more a question of training her to use a potty when she had clothes on. I thought being in a setting where several kids were all potty training with adults who should know what they're doing would help SM. I know all kids are different so maybe SM would have decided to be completely different to any other kid, meaning the staff had no more experience than me, but I didn't see that being very likely lol.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Ali70 » 27 Jul 2015, 11:11

So, we had another chat with nursery where we explained we thought she wasn't getting quite enough support and asked them to make more effort in taking her to the toilet rather than relying on her to ask etc. That helped and we were down to just one accident a day and a few wees on the potty. The last few days at home, she's had no accidents, but seems to have developed a bladder of steel and is holding all her morning wee until we put a nappy on for her nap, and all her afternoon wee until she finally has to let it out on the potty about 5pm.

Yesterday and today she's been refusing to sit on the potty. And this morning has had a 15 minute meltdown because she said she wanted a wee, I asked her to sit on the potty, she did a tiny dribble, started crying and wouldn't sit back down. Every time I got her to sit back down a bit more came out, but she got more and more upset. In the end she said she wanted a nappy on so I put that on and she had a wee.

So I think we're going to stop for a while. I'm worried about her holding it in for so long and I think she's developing a mental block around the potty so I think its time for a break. Which is a shame because I thought we were making progress but although she says she wants to wear knickers and use the potty, she just doesn't seem able to come to terms with that mentally.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby sabrina fair » 27 Jul 2015, 17:27

It's frustrating isn't it? But fwiw i think you're doing the right thing. She's not going to be in nappies when she starts university! The fact that she wants to be in knickers will be motivation for her trying again, and in the meantime you're giving her the powerful message that her body belongs to her, and that you want to go at her pace.
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Ali70 » 31 Jul 2015, 07:37

Argh, I'm finding potty training the most frustrating and tedious bit of parenting so far (and I feel bad about that because she's doing quite well really)!

We decided to stop. But then she got up for nursery the next morning and said she wanted knickers. So we sent her in knickers and for 3 days she's done brilliantly - 2 tiny accidents (she dribbled in her knickers, then stopped so she could get to the potty) and she's telling them when she needs to go.

At home is a different matter. She'll sit happily on the potty and then get off and wet herself. She says she needs a wee a lot, but doesn't have one - which I know if normal, but in nursery she only asks for a wee if she needs one, sits on the potty, has a wee, carries on. Here she'll ask and then sit for 20 mins chatting away before getting off, having done nothing. I'm pretty sure she's holding it, rather than her not needing to go.

My rational mind says its just a matter of time and practice. The selfish bit of me says I'm so bored of this and if she knows how to do it in nursery she must know how to do it at home. I shall go off now repeating the phrase "she's only two, she's only two" whilst looking for some more patience ;-)
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby sabrina fair » 31 Jul 2015, 12:37

Have you tried bare bummed or commando at home? No idea if it'd help but it might help her feel a bit more in tune with her body? Or getting her to blow bubbles on the potty or run some water while she's on there to encourage her to actually wee? But, yes, it sounds incredibly frustrating!
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Re: Potty training at nursery - WWYD?

Postby Lily » 31 Jul 2015, 16:04

We had a bit of that - perfect at nursery and when out, but wetting himself at home. I think it was just laziness and feeling more relaxed at home. I have to admit I gave him a bit of a talking to about my expectations, as I wasn't prepared to keep on constantly cleaning up when we got home after a week of no accidents at Granny's house; I think he'd internalised the importance of not weeing on Granny's new sofa, but didn't really realise how strongly I felt about our sofas too...

Anyway, it worked and he is now reliable wherever we are. It's great to be gentle and child-led, but setting some clear goals has also been very helpful here. Izbiz showed the desire to try, but I think he needed us to guide him in terms of what he should aim for.
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