Feeling a bit grinchy

More little BLWers in the making... <rubs hands>

Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby RedRum » 14 Nov 2014, 19:50

So before I start, please forgive me in advance for being a bit of a dick. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I figure it's better to get it out here than to let it stew....

SIL (DH's brothers wife) is pregnant. About 10 days behind me. I am trying hard not to but I'm feeling a bit strange about it, and her. Initially I was a bit upset (okay, jealous, stupid I know) when I found out. I think they must have literally conceived on their wedding night, as I would have been two weeks gone at the wedding, and I felt like it was unfair for it to be so easy for them when there was do much heartache and stress for us. Again, irrational and unreasonable I know. It's not even like we tried for ages, it only took 6 months, but there was the mc, and the probable chemical, and it was heartbreaking and far from easy.

I'm kind of over that now, but I still have a stupid niggly feeling like she's out to get one up on us. She's already said they hope mine's late and theirs is early so it'll be theirs born first. Also stupid stuff like she's refused her 12 week scan (still not sure why) and is kind if smug about it. And that they're hiring a private mw. And I just know they will choose not to vac.

I'm happy for them. I really am. BIL has been wanting a baby for ages and she made him wait til they were married, so I'm happy for him. And of course I wouldn't wish anything bad on them and would feel awful if anything went wrong. I guess I just feel like she's competing already, which is stupid and probably all in my head, but like I said, better to vent here I guess than to let it fester.

Ugh. Done even know what my problem is but I just have a weird uncomfortable feeling about it and I just wanted to get it out really. Sorry for sounding like a twat :(
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby mamapup » 14 Nov 2014, 20:41

I suspect lots of us have had those feelings. I remember feeling like a dick for similar feelings and being so unimpressed with myself too. Do you think it's a little bit that her pregnancy takes the excitement of yours away with the family?

My brother's son is four months older than the puppy and there was all sorts of nonsense between us before the boys were born. Awful. There's probably less competition now they're here as they're two incredibly different people.

Anyway, you're not a dick.
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby pirate_han » 14 Nov 2014, 21:01

You don't sound like a twat. That sounds mega annoying. I think it's easier said than done but I guess my advice would be to ignore the comments, rise above it and look forward to the relationship your kids might have. I have a step-cousin a few months younger than me who has now moved away but as kids we were really close and had regular sleepovers, we had a great time.
B - March 12
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby Lily » 14 Nov 2014, 21:36

mamapup wrote:I suspect lots of us have had those feelings. I remember feeling like a dick for similar feelings and being so unimpressed with myself too.


This. I just found out that DH's cousin is pregnant, due a couple of weeks before us. She's lovely, her partner is great, they have a daughter 6 months younger than Izbiz, and I have absolutely no reason to be jealous. But although I'm genuinely happy for them both, it's definitely a mixed feeling. I think, for me, at least a part of it is the knowledge that there will inevitably be comparisons between the kids - hopefully once they start developing into different people we will be able to let that go, as mp suggests.
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby NorthernKitten » 14 Nov 2014, 21:38

You're not being a dick. I was extremely upset when my cousin fell pregnant when I had just announced ours - then of course the 12 week scan showed twins, and suddenly in the whole family (sometimes including my mother - her aunt) our pregnancy seemed less important. I was even more angry when I realised that because she's be induced early, out baby could potentially only be the newbie for a couple of weeks before the twins arrive. Plus, I always secretly wanted twins, and it's just another reason she's the golden girl of the family!!

Hormones and babies do funny things to people. DH keeps reminding me that this is our baby, and those are her babies, and however other people react, only we really matter to our child. Turns out it works both ways...

(((((Rr))))))
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby RedRum » 14 Nov 2014, 22:13

Thank you all for making me feel normal! Doesn't make me feel any less stupid for feeling this way, I would be mortified if anyone but DH knew how I felt, but at least I know I'm not a complete weirdo. It's a funny one, I have always felt like she's a little superior, she earns more than me, she's very sensible, has all her ducks in a row, and just has a bit of a smug persona, and I always think she thinks I'm a bit chaotic and looks down on me a bit. Stupid thing is I wouldn't trade places with her for the world. I love my life and my husband and R and all the things we want to do and see, and I love that we're chaotic and unconventional and always late for everything! I think your DH is very sensible NK :)
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby fourweewonders » 15 Nov 2014, 10:54

Next time she says she want hers early and yours late counter it with 'oh yes I'd like that then mine gets to be the proper baby of the family for longer'
Mum to B (b.sept 2006) & E (b.sept 2009) and R & A (b.july 2011).
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby Turtle'sMammy » 15 Nov 2014, 13:29

She sounds a bit annoying. "I hope mine's born first". What kind of sh!t is that.
I think you're going to have to get your zen on because there'll be competitive parenting in your future. It's easy to know everything when it's your first. :mona
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby Riotproof » 05 Dec 2014, 23:01

Turtle'sMammy wrote:She sounds a bit annoying. "I hope mine's born first". What kind of sh!t is that.
I think you're going to have to get your zen on because there'll be competitive parenting in your future. It's easy to know everything when it's your first. :mona

This.

Tbh, I'd be inclined to say something superior and snooty, but that might just be me.
"All I'm hoping for is a healthy, happy baby. Won't it be nice that they'll be cousins the same age? "
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby RedRum » 01 Feb 2015, 10:17

Gah. Dinner with the inlaws again last night. Not only did we get several hours (I kid you not) on the benefits of organic food, but 'We could still beat you to it yet if ours is early' from BIL and 'Oh, are you having a home birth too?' from SIL. Yes, and I've been talking about that particular plan for years, we discussed it last time I saw you. No I'm not getting a doula, or a yoga coach. Yes I've read up plenty thanks, and actually delivered a baby before, remember?

My personal favourite was bragging that it only took them a week to conceive. Good for you. Actually, you might remember that we conceived almost immediately too, but that I lost the baby, which would in fact have been due this week. Nice going on the sensitivity there.

I'm only ranting here so I don't do it in real life but argh :scream
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby mamapup » 01 Feb 2015, 10:19

Hugs. I have no idea why people feel the need to share how much sex they had to conceive! Very odd. When we were struggling to make the puppy people kept telling me how they'd found it super easy and quick. Well, helpful, thanks. And now especially isnt good timing for you. I'm sorry. But just remember, they're idiots who can't see past the end of their noses.
In my heart I am Rascalpup, a name awarded during battle with one persistent spammer. I like to think ironside but with sarcasm rather than an axe.

Slightly horrified by my huge number of posts.


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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby emzit » 01 Feb 2015, 10:20

(((((((RR)))))))

People are idiots. Hope you're OK.

x posted with mp - great minds!
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby RedRum » 01 Feb 2015, 10:21

Turtle'sMammy wrote:It's easy to know everything when it's your first. :mona


Hehe. This cheered me up.
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby Toasty Crumpet » 01 Feb 2015, 12:22

Hopefully you will both get the calm peaceful home births you want (with or without drugs, gas, pool as preferred) and your SIL/BIL will realise birthing is not a competitive sport! Or you will and they won't...
Lovely Crumpet born June 2011 and little Chompy born January 2014.
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Re: Feeling a bit grinchy

Postby Louisianablue2000 » 01 Feb 2015, 15:09

Haven't been on here for ages and this was the first post I saw. Congrats! So delighted for you.

Ignore the SIL, as PP say, it's her first and she thinks she knows everything. Smile serenely and when she has an awful time with a newborn make some comment about how you're finding it so stressfree this time round (even if you're not).
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See DD2's weaning video here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/louisianab ... 826217940/

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